You Saved Me
by TonyCastle78
Summary: AU Fic. Kevin Ryan's in a bad place after his divorce. Until he connects with a special redhead: Alexis Castle. Everyone gets at least a passing mention in this story. It starts a little slow but give it a try. Alexis is 20, Ryan is 33. Please review. Reviews make me write faster, but it's going to take a while.


You Saved Me

"Bro, are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes Espo, I'm fine," Ryan replied with a sigh.

"No, _I_ wasn't asking. That was from Lanie. I know how you're doing."

"Then tell Lanie that I'm doing fine. I'm a big boy; she doesn't have to worry about me. I can look after myself."

"It's been nearly a year since the divorce and you haven't even looked at another woman, bro," Esposito replied, leaning back in his chair. "All you do when we're not working a case is paperwork or stay locked up in your apartment watching TV. You've gotta start getting out there again, man."

"Is this you talking or Lanie?"

Esposito's eyes widened, his hands involuntarily flexing.

"I know you're hurt…that's the only thing keeping me from knocking you out right now. You've been a pain since the divorce was finalized. Gates nearly suspended you after you roughed up that suspect—"

"He was going after Castle and Beckett was too far away to do anything about it!"

"Did you have to bend his arm so far back that you took it out of its socket? You know the guidelines about unnecessary force."

"He was attacking my friend. I'm always there to protect my friends, you know that."

"You're lucky Gates didn't suspend you."

"I guess she thinks focusing on work is supposed to distract me from my personal problems. Which is what they are, Javi. _Personal_."

Ryan spun around in his chair, laying his head down on his desk, hoping the conversation was over. He knew he had really screwed up going after that skell the way he had. Ever since the divorce, he had an anger burning inside that sometimes he just couldn't control. He really thought he was like Beckett when it came to the idea of marriage, a "one and done" type. Unfortunately, the one he chose was the wrong one for him.

"Bro, I get it. You know I'm your boy. I'll leave you alone. But I do think you need to get out there again. And that's _me_ talking, _not_ Lanie. And that's the last time I'll mention it."

Esposito's chair squeaked as he got up.

"Got a hot date with Lanie tonight?"

"Yeah I do. I love that woman. Don't tell her I said that, can't have her thinking she makes me all mushy."

"See you tomorrow, Espo."

"Later!" Esposito said, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door.

Ryan turned his attention to the murder board. _Focus on the job_, he kept telling himself, rubbing his tired eyes. _Focus on the job_.

When Esposito entered the precinct the next morning, he found his partner asleep on the couch in the break room. He stared at his sleeping partner and shook his head. He spent the night in the precinct _again_. This had become a constant occurrence since the divorce. He knew that Ryan wasn't afraid of the silence in his apartment now that Jenny was gone. He was doing exactly what Esposito would do if their positions were reversed: he was trying to bury himself in his work.

Ryan had become much more…aggressive since the divorce. More on edge, more willing to manhandle suspects like the skell whose shoulder he'd dislocated last week. Happy-go-lucky Ryan hadn't been seen in a while and Esposito was starting to miss him. Their partnership worked well because usually Esposito was the more aggressive one and Ryan was the laid back one. Shaking Ryan's shoulder, he woke him up.

"Bro, you did it again."

Cracking his neck, Ryan shook his head and stretched.

"Aw man, I drooled again, didn't I?" he grumbled, staring at the wet spot on the cushion where his spit had landed.

"Yeah. Again. I know you're trying to—"

Ryan held a hand up, silencing Esposito.

"I know what you're going to say. Let me cope with my divorce in my own way. Can you do that for me? As my partner?"

Esposito sighed and shook his head in assent.

"Okay bro."

Standing up, Ryan flipped the cushion over so the spit wouldn't be visible and cracked his back.

"I got a change of clothes in my drawer. I gotta clean myself up." Brushing past Esposito, he left the break room, leaving behind a concerned partner.

Castle sat at his chair spinning another half-insane, half plausible theory while Ryan, Esposito and Beckett stood at the murder board. This case was hard to crack. Ryan excused himself to grab a cup of coffee. Beckett asked him to bring her back a cup. She and Espo were going to the morgue. Lanie had some more information about the body.

Ryan was in the break room, making Beckett's coffee the way she liked it when he heard the door open behind him.

"Detective Ryan?"

He turned around to see a gorgeous woman standing there. It took him a second to place her because he hadn't seen her in a while but she had grown up.

"Alexis, hey!" he said, his face splitting into a smile. "How have you been? I almost didn't recognize you! It's been a long time since I've seen you. What are you doing here?"

The redhead blushed, a shy smile lighting up her face.

"Yeah it has been a while, I guess. I've been really busy with school but not anymore. I graduated," she replied, a radiant smile illuminating her face.

"Really? Well congratulations Lex, I'm happy for you! I know Castle said something about your graduation being close but I thought you had another year or two before you finished. Let me guess, you loaded up and took extra classes to graduate earlier, didn't you?" he asked with a knowing smile on his face.

"How did you know?" Alexis asked, her face as red as her hair.

"Umm Alexis? I'm a detective," Ryan quipped motioning to the surroundings of the nearly empty precinct. "It's my job to know things. So you're done with college. What are you going to do? Have you decided on a career yet?"

"Yes. I'm going to be a teacher," Alexis said proudly. "Either kindergartners or first-graders."

"Then those are going to be some lucky kids, getting to have you for their teacher, Lex. Have you started applying at any schools yet?"

"I've already found a job at a school on the Upper West Side. I'm going to be a teacher's assistant first, following her around for a few weeks and learning the ropes before taking over a class on my own," Alexis said, her face glowing.

_My God she's beautiful_. The thought echoed through his mind, before he consciously realized it. He could feel his pulse quicken. What was wrong with him?

"Have you seen my dad? I just wanted to confirm that we're still on for dinner tonight. Going out to celebrate."

"You just missed him. He went out to get everybody some Chinese. You're welcome to wait here if you like, he shouldn't be gone long."

"No it's okay. I'll call him later. I only stopped by because it was on my way. I'm meeting my friend Paige for lunch. Just tell him I stopped in, would you?"

"Anything for you, Alexis."

Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around his midsection squeezing him tightly.

"Dad told me what happened between you and Jenny. I'm so sorry, Kevin. Try to stay positive. You'll meet the one for you. You're a great guy. Just take things one day at a time."

Startled for a second by the unexpected hug, Ryan relaxed and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tight. She smelled like strawberries.

_She's so sweet_. His pulse began to race faster. Letting go of her, he reached over and grabbed a Post-It note to write down a message to Castle to distract himself from his thoughts.

"Thanks Alexis. That means a lot. I appreciate the support."

"Anytime. What are friends for?" she asked, smiling.

"Friends," he echoed, smiling back.

Grabbing her purse from Castle's chair, she turned and walked away, waving at him and smiling as she left.

His hand frozen upward in a wave, he had one thought running through his mind.

_What was that? _

One Week Later 

"Hey Lex," Ryan said, his face lighting up. "Visiting again? Can't stay away can you?"

"Hey Kevin. Dad told me to meet him here so we can head out for lunch together. I think Kate's coming with us," Alexis replied.  
"Well have a seat, they should be back from the morgue soon," Ryan replied, turning his attention to the murder board. He knew he was missing something, he just couldn't see it. This case was getting to him. Investigating child murders were the worst.

Behind him, he heard a slight gasp. He turned around to see Alexis's hand cover her mouth as she scanned the murder board, realizing that the team was investigating a child's homicide.

"That's why Dad has been reminding me more than usual to be safe when I go out. He didn't tell me that you were all investigating a child killing." Tears began to well up in her eyes.

Without thinking, Ryan quickly walked over and pulled her into a hug, trying to comfort her, feeling bad. He hadn't even thought about trying to cover up the child's photo to spare Alexis. He'd been too busy focusing on the case.

"Hey," he whispered into her ear. "Try to calm down. We'll get him. We've all been running flat out for days. We're gonna find out who did this."

Hugging him back, she sniffled slightly, shaking her head.

"To do something like that…to a child…I'll never be able to understand that. I guess, becoming a teacher, seeing that poor girl's face on your board really struck a nerve with me."

"Hey, it strikes a nerve with all of us. Cases like this make me work harder. I couldn't imagine something like that happening to my child."

Breaking away from Ryan's embrace, the scent of strawberries hit him again. Alexis shyly looked up, her face fire-engine red.

"I'm sorry Kevin. You must think I'm such a naïve person. Bad things can happen to anyone, at anytime, whether they're kids or adults. All we can really do is learn to live with whatever happens to us. We have to spend our lives searching for the lost light."

"Lost light?"

"Yeah, that's what I call it: those moments, those people that come along in your life which make our lives and sour stories worthwhile."

Ryan was silent, processing Alexis' theory.

"I ummm, I have to go. I'm really hungry. When Dad gets back, could you tell him to meet me at Remy's? Thanks." Gathering up her purse, she quickly walked away, leaving the detective with the scent of strawberries surrounding him.

Heading quickly for the door, Alexis pushed the door open and nearly ran out into the street. Breathing heavily, she headed toward Remy's. _Why?_ she asked herself. _Why did she share such a private and personal thought of hers with Detective Ryan? With Kevin? _After she spoke, she realized what she said and couldn't look him in the eye. She had to get out of there.

She had to be honest with herself. She'd always had a little crush on the detective, a harmless little crush. She was way too young ever seriously think about it. And there was no way she could tell her dad about it. He'd flip out and kill the detective if he ever suspected anything. But now…she was almost 21…and he was single, now that he and Jenny were divorced…

"No!" she said out loud. A passerby gave her a quizzical look. Shaking her head, she tried to clear her mind. There was no way it could happen. To her, the age difference was no big deal. She knew he had just turned 33, her dad had mentioned it. But the age difference would probably be huge in his mind. And he was fresh off a divorce. Dating was probably the last thing on his mind…but he had such a cute smile…and such kind eyes…

Getting to the entrance of Remy's, she composed herself. She would not indulge those thoughts. She had too much in front of her to let romance get in the way. Her job would be starting in a few weeks and she'd be too busy working with the kids to think about anything. Besides, there was no way he could possibly reciprocate her feelings…right? Little did she know that, at that moment, Ryan was sitting at his desk at the precinct…daydreaming about strawberries and lost light.


End file.
